Well I'm new to blogging and honestly doubt I have anything interesting enough to say to hold anyone's attention anyways. My reasons for needing this are good though so here I am. My first is that I'm pregnant and want to keep a 'journal' that I can look back over to remember, I wish I had done this with my first two. another reason is that my husband is deployed which means a large part of my adult ( read: above the age of 3 ) conversation has gone with him.
He has been deployed since last August and will be home sometime this summer. We really can't wait. Mostly because its just been too too long. Going without half of your heart for any period of time over a week is just not normal...or at least isn't by my standards. Sending them somewhere where on a daily basis people want to shoot at, hurt, and possibly kill him is downright unnatural. The amount of minutes of sleep I've lost and the amount of tears I've shed is a number followed by several zeros. The thing about sleep and tears...you can't get either of them back, and in the end neither make you feel any better. There is still this huge thing in my life that I have NO control over. Let me just give you a glimpse of one of the negative aspects and just inform you that it isn't ALL BAD. Most day's were okay and we miss him something fierce but we function beautifully. Really the thing that drives me insane is that I can't protect him over there or know on a regular basis that he's safe, or fed, or warm. As a wife it is completely foreign and totally unnerving. It brings all kinds of crazy things to mind that are so improbable, but still you think them. You hear about someone...anyone getting hurt over there and it immediately runs through your head like this: "Where is my soldier?" "Is he okay?!" "What if he's hurt ???" "What if he's hurt and they don't call me or can't contact me ?!" and that is the true meaning of irrational panic. Or I think it is anyways. But I can't help it. Until I hear his voice or hear my email bell go off a million scary thoughts run through my head. And when it's someone else's husband you feel HORRIBLE and your heart breaks for them but you can't help but feel that sense of relief that it wasn't YOUR husband. It makes you feel like a monster. But this is my life. And soon he'll be home and we can move on, go back to the way we were. I'm five weeks pregnant today and can't wait until he's home to run to the store for me at 2 am or rub my back when it aches or hug me when I cry about the ridiculous things that make me cry lately. I just can't wait. And soon I won't have to anymore. He is the most amazing person I've ever been blessed to know. We have (almost hehe ) three beautiful children and two cats-were nuts but it works for us. Thanks for following the crazy roller coaster ride that is our life <3
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